The Night They Shot Santa

The following is a transcript from tonight's live interview between Lenny King and Mr. Easter Bunny.

Lenny: Welcome Mr. Bunny. It seems like it's been forever since the last time you've been on our show.

E.Bunny: Actually, Lenny, I've never been on your show before. In fact until yesterday nobody even returned my calls to your people.

Lenny: So I guess what everybody really wants to know is this: Why did you kill Santa?

E. Bunny: First of all, Lenny, I didn't kill anybody. I've know Claus for more than 100 years and we were rivals, but I didn't kill him.

Lenny: The MCDS security folks say that they have samples of your fur found in a snipers nest where Claus was "allegedly" shot from. What do you say to that?

E.Bunny: First of all, I've been cooperating with the MCDS folks and while they say they have a sample of rabbit fur, the DNA testing is still being done. Nothing says that it's mine.

Lenny: So where were you on the night Santa Claus was viciously gunned down with one of your Jelly beans?

E. Bunny: Lenny, while we all know that the jelly beans are one of my trademark treats, I'm certainly not the only one who is fond of them. Has anybody asked Ronald Ragen where he was when Santa was shot?

Lenny (pondering): I'm sure you know Mr. Ragen is no longer with us, but what about you? You claim to have an "alibi" for the night of the shooting, don't you.

E. Bunny: The night Santa was shot I was out with a close friend, Ms. Sally Sue Chickie.

Lenny: And has Ms. Chickie come forward to confirm this?

E. Bunny: We seem to have a problem finding her. Her apartment is empty and her phone has been disconnected. I fear that there is some sort of conspiracy at work here.

Lenny: (nodding) and just how long have you know Ms. Chickie? Did anybody else see you together? Perhaps at a restaurant or nightclub?

E. Bunny (stretching at his collar) well, um you see. We had only met a few days ago and hadn't really started to go out in public yet. You're a public figure, Lenny you know how the paparazzi can be....

A Studio Producer walks onto the set, whispers into Lenny's ear and hands him a piece of paper.

Lenny puts a hand over one ear, like he's still on the radio and reads from the paper.

Lenny, (reading): Ladies and gentleman, this just in. The lab contracted by MCDS to perform the DNA analysis of the fur samples confirm that within a 99.99945% match, it is the fur of our guest tonight, Mr. Easter Bunny. Officers from the UN World Court are waiting off stage to take Mr. Bunny in for questioning.

We need to break for a commercial now, but when we come back will have controversial director Oliver Stoned here to present his conspiracy theory that Santa is still alive and that this is all just a government cover-up.

Stay Tuned!