The Night They Shot Santa

As the world watched in shock, Mr. E. Bunny, known the world over as the Easter Bunny - distributor of chocolate eggs and marshmallow treats was lead away in paw cuffs from the set of the Lenny King Live show last night.

Analysis of fur found in a snipers nest at the scene of the Santa Claus assassination turned out to not only be rabbit fur, but matched Mr. Bunny's DNA to 99.99945% accuracy.

Mr. Bunny claimed to be in the company of a young woman who he identified as Mary Sue Chickie.

The phone number Mr. Bunny provided for Ms. Chickie turned out to be a "pay as you go" cellphone, which has since been deactivated. The address he provided turns out to be an empty apartment. The Nacamochcienneichi Holding Company of Japan, the owner/landlord of the complex say that the apartment has been vacant for approximately 4 months and that they have no record of Ms. Chickie either viewing the apartment or as a tenant.

Mr. Bunny, now in the custody of the United Nations World Court and being held under maximum security (and in solitary for his own protection) has hired celebrity lawyer Jonnie Pocrin. Mr. Pocrin lead the team that received an acquittal in the dramatic O.K. Samspon trial in the late 1990s.

Mr. Pocrin had this to say on the steps of the UNWC building:

"I think it's clear that this is nothing more than a case of rodent discrimination. People have persecuted rats and mice for years and now a brother rabbit has been set up to take the fall.

We all gonna miss Santa Claus. I gonna miss him. He done bring me my first lawbook back when I was six and you might say he's responsible for me go'in into the legal profession. He was a great man and we all sufferin' his loss, but that don't mean my client is guilty. DNA can be wrong - Lord knows we all see that the last time. An don't forget - anybody can go out and buy jelly beans without a licence - it don't mean nothin. My client has been set up."

For the record, rabbits are not rodents, but the a member of the Leporidae family.

In a related story, the Nintega Company, whom Mr. Claus was making a pick up from on the night of his assassination released this statement from Rocaan-san, the company's CEO.

We in Japan don't share all of the holidays of our western brethren, but we were all saddened to hear of the death of Mr. Claus. We have worked with Santa-san for many, many years and he has touched the hearts of all us. He will be missed.

Nintega Company of Tornaga, Japan was previously one of the worlds leading provider of video games, but had been falling in the market to steep competition. They have recently branched into home robotics and artificial intelligence. Rocaan-san is the company's 3rd CEO.

(Nippon Exchange - NVGV- 83 1/2 up 2.2)