INTERNAL MEMO COMPANY CONFIDENTIAL Release of this document or it's contents to anyone outside MCDS is grounds for immediate dismissal and will provoke legal action against all parties involved.
RE: Autopsy Results: Santa Claus From: MCDS Internal Security TO: Gorf, Acting Chief Executive Elf As per company policy, MCDS Internal Security, lead by Head Security Elf Jean Claud Boof took possession of the remains of CEO Santa Claus within 15 minutes of notification of the fatal incident. As the North Pole has no formal government or police structure, there was no resistance or jurisdictional issues to resolve. The remains were kept on ice and examined. I will recount here what we discussed on the telephone shortly after the incident. AUTOPSY RESULTS: Results of Autopsy: Claus, Santa White Male, Age: unknown Death would seem to be caused as a result of a puncture in the left side by what appears to be a licorice jelly bean. The bean, propelled at bullet speeds, appears to have entered the deceased on the left side, just under the left armpit. It entered between the 6th and 7th rib and tore an opening into the left lung, where it was recovered in a somewhat deformed state. The bean was placed in cold storage after examination and it would appear to have been frozen solid and fired from some distance away, perhaps as much as 500 years. Death would have been very quick and brought on by a shortness of breath and the filling of the lung cavity with blood. Since there were no other Human or Elvish occupants, there was nobody available to confirm this. The sled in which the deceased traveled was brought back to the stables by the reindeer, lead by Rudolph. Nobody remembers hearing a shot fired. Within 48 hours, the remains were shipped cold to the next of kin, Mrs. Candy Claus, who was interring them in Miami, Florida, USA. Submitted this day by my hand, Jean Claud Boof MCDS Head of Security Re: Surviors Benefits: As per the MCDS company policy, this incident is deemed "related to company business" and the widow, Mrs. Candy Claus is entitled to all health and retirement benefits under the company policy.
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