News Report: From The Daily Blizzard NORTH POLE: The horrible rumors that have been circulating though this small frigid community have finally been confirmed.  In an exclusive interview with Gorf, Senior Workshop Elf of MCDS for the last 187 years, it was confirmed that Santa Claus, AKA St. Nick AKA Kriss Kringle was the victim of a senseless sleigh-by shooting last Friday as he was returning home after picking up supplies in Japan for several new video games under development.  Members of the Elf Community were shocked and sadden by the news.  Mrs. Claus has apparently returned to Miami to be with her mother during this sad time. "It was that F*cking rodent" one elf, who asked to be nameless in bit of a slur, offered when asked if there were any suspects.  "He just couldn't stand being in the shadow of the big man (Hic)." He offered in closing before collapsing into a large mug of hot chocolate with a suspicious peppermint aroma around it.  Other elves were similarly saddened, with many small groups clustering to discus motives and suspects.  Gorf, the senior elf who has stepped into the leadership vacuum left by Claus' departure added this:	World Mourns the loss of Beloved Jolly Old Elf as Santa Claus is laid to rest in Sunny Miami by his beloved wife Candy. Children the world over can't stop crying. All ask "Is this the end of Christmas?"
"We are all saddened by this event, but we must ask that everybody keep their, ahem, cool about them.  The last thing we need is somebody flying off the conveyor belt before the gifts are wrapped.  We're all saddened by this, but we've got a holiday to get out, just like the big guy would have wanted. An official investigation is under way, but this reporter has learned that the fatal injury was delivered by a high speed jelly bean (licorice flavored).  The police currently are not releasing the names of any suspects at this time. Claus was the CEO of MCDS  (Merry Christmas Deliver Systems) , Inc.  With a reputation as a hard, but fair task master who always had a smile and a "ho ho ho" for workers and customers alike.  Claus's business is currently being run by his board of directors as they seek out a replacement.  "MCDS will go on", the official statement reads, "Just like HE would have wanted it." Santa Claus is survived by his wife, Candy Claus (nee Cane) and 9 tiny reindeer.  He will be missed. Stay tuned, Dear Reader.  The Daily Blizzard and this reporter will follow this story and keep you informed as this tragedy develops.
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