NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH.....
MIAMI, FLORIDA USA They came early and waited in the Miami sunshine for the caretakers to open the gates and let them in, repeating a ritual that started less then two weeks ago. They were mourners who came to pay tribute to the final resting place of the jolliest of old elves, Santa Claus and they were in for the rudest of awakenings this morning. Some time during the night, intruders to the Heavenly Resting Place Cemetery, where Claus was laid to rest not two weeks ago, dug up his grave and stole the body. Police Chief Ivan Dumble had this to say in a statement for the press: Dumble: This is what we know so far. Last night after closing a person or persons unknown made their way into the cemetery and dug up the remains of Mr. Claus. There appears that only hand tools were used, which would make this a pretty strenuous job and we are estimating that the theft was perpetrated by a group of no less than 4 individuals. The last report of the grave being intact was around 10:45 when the grounds keeper passed it while putting away some tools. Our best estimate puts the crime between 3 and 4 A.M. based on the moisture content of the dirt that was dug up. The open grave was found at 6:40 A.M. by Mr. Angus Toffy of Coral Springs. Mr. Toffy is the grounds keeper and on his way to his morning shift when he spotted something amiss from across the yard and investigated. The local police were called by Mr. Toffy from his cellphone at 6:45. The Cemetery is closed at sunset, which was approximately 5PM yesterday. The second shift ground keeper left at approximately 11PM. The gates were locked and there was nobody at the facility till Mr. Toffy's arrival the next morning. There was no signs that the gates on the main drive had been opened so we are assuming that the perps gained entrance and departed over the fence that surrounds the grounds.	Keeping in mind that we don't know much more that we have already told you, I'm open to questions. Questions: What exactly was taken? Just the body or did they take the casket? Answer: The only thing removed with the actual remains of Mr. Claus. The casket and outer burial vault were opened but not taken. Considering that the casket weights several hundred pounds, it would take some kind of vehicle to get it out. Question: So they carried a dead man, and not a skinny dead man either, out by hand over the fence in the middle of the night. Answer: That's our best guess at the moment. We have detectives that are currently talking to neighbors to see if anybody heard some kind of aircraft, like a helicopter, but we consider that a longshot. Question: Will the local police retain jurisdiction on this? This is a pretty big deal. Answer: This kind of thing is usually the jurisdiction of the local police, but we have been in contact with the FBI, given the high profile of Mr. Claus and have agreed to a shared jurisdiction. Questions: We all know the Bunny is in custody for this murder- do you think this is an effort by his people to eliminate any chance of a court exhuming the body for further clues or evidence? Answer: I can't really speak to that at this time. Question: Has anybody spoken to Mrs. Claus? Does she know what's going. At this point, Dumble whispers to another officer nearby and receives a nod to continue. Answer: OK, here's the deal on the Widow Claus. We went to the home of her mother, Mrs. Cane and asked to speak to her. Apparently, she went out last night and never returned. We put a APB out on Mrs. Cane's car, which her daughter had borrowed and it was found abandoned about a mile from here. We have no idea where Mrs. Claus is at this time.
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