Sir Ralphie Jones Speaks: Sir Raphie Jones, the eccentric CEO of Ultimate Package Delivery Solutions recently released the following statement: We at Ultimate Package had hoped to play a more prominent role in Christmas deliveries this year, but wish to express our delight in Santa Claus turning up alive. While none of us likes to lose business, if you have to lose it to someone, there is nobody better than Santa. We're all very happy he's making his own deliveries again. Ultimate Package, whose contact with MCDS didn't specify a volume of packages, did actually make some deliveries. "We did actually make 62 separate deliveries, all the the Coconut Grove, Florida area. We are proud to say that all of these packages were delivered in a timely fashion, to the correct address and in pristine condition." Easter Bunny Released (sort of) As a result of the facts discovered in the dramatic rescue of Santa Claus, the United Nations World Court has issued a release of Mr. E. Bunny.

Mr. Bunny, his lawyer at his side, met with reporters on the steps of the World Courthouse this morning. When asked if he would return to the Lenny King Live show to finish his interview, Mr. Bunny raised his right paw and waved it at the reporter: "See this paw??? You got a better chance of seeing this paw hanging from your key chain than you do of seeing it ever step onto the set of that Lenny King show again. That Lenny can kiss my furry " When asked if he thought his arrest on camera was orchestrated by Mr. King, Bunny said this. " me. Lenny is a and I can't wait for him to kick the bucket so I can finally on his grave." After these comments, officers of the court retrieved Mr. Bunny and charged him with inciting a riot, public obscenity, being loud and disorderly, assaulting an officer of the court and public urination (although the last two changes may be combined.) Bunny's lawyer had no comment and no date for his new trial has been set. We will continue to cover this story as it unfolds.

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OK, now I'm really done.