The Night They Shot Santa

Associates News Press Report:

As the entire world hangs on his every word, ANP embeded reporter Benjamin Quebert, living, eating and freezing with the warriors of the Reindeer Revolution, brings you another report during what the world is coming to know as "The Battle to Save Christmas."

Reindeer Revolution headquarters is eerily quiet and for some reason, is seems darker as well. The same lights are on that always are on, but for some reason dark feelings just make the night seem darker. It's quiet, as well, the normal snorts and hoof stomps missing. They've been replaced with the beeps and whirs of electronic equipment.

Of the nine tiny reindeer, only Q-pid, the technical wizard is here monitoring the activity of his reindeer brethren as they fly off into battle. He's nervous and tense, but partially relived that the waiting is over and the battle is at last begun. This battle is nothing less that a battle for Christmas, itself.

It's only been a few hours since Vixen traced a mysterious cell phone call to it's origin in the MCDS Asian distribution center in the mountains of Northern Japan. This facility, normally stuffed with gifts this time of year, is a restocking station for Santa on his annual race of giving to the children of the world. This year its empty.

Officially, Merry Christmas Delivery Systems, Inc. Chief Executive Elf Gorf has listed it for sale as a way to relieve some of the companies crushing debt. It is Gorf who ordered it be left empty of gifts this year after contracting out the delivery services that used to the the heart and soul of MCDS.

Speaking of heart and soul, what of former CEO, Santa Claus? Yesterday he was dead and the world was in mourning. Today we know that he is alive and being held a prisoner in what was once his own warehouse.

After tracing the call, Vixen, the computer genius, hacked his way into the distribution centers computer and surveillance system. Dramatic images, not only of Santa but of Mrs. Claus as well, were seen not only here in revolution headquarters, but downloaded to the international press. They have been playing almost constantly on VNN, other news outlets and hundreds of internet websites.

Along with myself and Q-pid there is one other person who nervously waits for news, and that is the elf Just'l. It was this young elf, who several days ago went looking for a quiet place to work through his grief, who accidentally received a phone call from Santa.

It was Just'l who first let the RR warriors know that perhaps Santa was not dead, as had been so elaborately staged. Just'l, who was at one time so critical now seems almost forgotten as the battle rages forward. Will he be remember for his role here today or will he become just a footnote in the pages of history. Time will tell.

And what of Santa's staged death? It's clear this was no misunderstanding. A truly evil force set out to destroy Christmas by removing Santa. The surveillance shows us that both Santa and Mrs Claus were at one time replaced with robotic replicas. One can only imaging what other replicas are wandering around and what nefarious tasks they are programmed for.

And what about the Easter Bunny? Is he behind all of this, motivated by jealously to this heinous act? Or is he, as many think (this reporter included) just another victim of this staged tragedy. He is not normally know for his technical prowess, but those in desperation have been known to cast their lots in with the unscrupulous before. Time will tell.

I move to a position where I can watch over Q-pids shoulder. Before leaving, Vixen had hacked into, and taken control of an orbiting satellite, which one he refused to tell me ("I'm going to put it back when I'm done and they'll never know I was here."). Q-pid's monitor shows a schematic of the Asian distribution center. Three "heat signature" bodies are visible in the facility. A large one has been identified as Santa while a smaller one is assumed to be Mrs. Claus. There is another signature which is elf-sized, but remains identified as "unfriendly."

Who could be so unfriendly as to kidnap and stage the death of Santa remains to be seen.

Q-pid is also following his 8 reindeer warrior brethren. They are currently in the skies above the Asian center:

The following is a partial transcript of the radio conversations. The RR has allowed me to record it in without censorship of any kind:

Rudolph: Delta Bravo 4 to team two. Over.
Donder: Team 2 here. Over.
Rudolph: what's your current "20." Over.
Donder: We're flight a xv formation over the western wing.
Q-pid: Team 4 - I'm showing the Hot targets in the sleigh garage on the northern wall and in the "Bow and Wrapping" supervisor's office on the third floor. Suggest you use your RDP-Methane bombs to isolate the garage by destroying the northern corridor.
Unidentified: Those RDP bombs you made us really stink!
Q-Pid (smiling) you trying making a methane bomb out of reindeer poop and see if it smells like roses!
Rudolph: Cut the chatter - we're on a mission here. Team 2, take a pass at the office tower and report.
Comet: Roger that. Team 2 moving in.
Rudolph: Team 3, can you make a bombing run on the corridor per base's suggestion? And for crying out loud, make sure you don't hit the package.
Dasher: Team 3 - Roger that. Will give it out best shot, but this is not exactly a smart bomb with working with here, its....
Rudolph: Team 3, we know exactly what the bomb is made of, now just ...
Dasher: ....moving in now - ETA to bombing position - 12 seconds.

After the longest 12 seconds in history pass, the the sound of explosions can be hear though the comm system. Reindeer headquarters is silent as even the computers seem to be holding their breath.

Dasher: Team leader - we have a direct hit. The corridor is separated from the rest of the complex and we look like we can get to the garage though one of the holes:
Rudolph: Roger that. Investigate and liberate the target with extreme caution. We know that some of the unfriendlies are not coming up on our thermal scans. Use Q's ping-pong stun guns if you run into problems - I don't want any body hurt till we find out what in name of yellow snow is going on here.
Comet: Team leader - we got in though an open window and have retrieved "the package." Will be able to carry a short distance and suggest that we rendezvous at the sleigh garage.
Rudolph: Roger that team two. Use extreme caution..
Comet: Roger that.

Dasher: Team leader - we've blown the door and gotten to our package as well - but Rudy - we've got a problem.

And it's a really big problem.